"Rough play"

“Most of what children need to learn during their early childhood years cannot be taught, it's discovered through play” - Ruth Wilson

For many of us, watching a group of tamariki jumping on top of each other with big roars or mimicking a gun by using a stick spells trouble. Odds are that we will tell the tamariki to ‘stop before somebody gets hurt!’ However, stopping this type of play robs those tamariki from engaging in perfectly natural, and developmentally desirable behaviour.

 

One of the best definitions I have come across identifies rough play as “verbally and physically cooperative play behaviour, involving at least two children, where all participants enjoyably and voluntarily engage in reciprocal role-playing that includes aggressive make-believe themes, actions, and words; yet lacks intent to harm either emotionally or physically” - Dr Michaei Nagel

In simpler terms, rough play is a type of positive and enjoyable social play. It can include play fighting, chasing each another, rough and tumble play, superhero play, and wrestling where tamariki engage in such behaviours, but not at the expense of purposefully hurting one another in any way. 

 

As kaiako, we see tamariki daily with their sticks pointed towards each other but when asked what they are, the reply is most often ‘just a stick’. Tamariki are very aware that adults don’t always like this type of play; but what if we set some rules, have an in depth korero about it? Surely the benefits outweigh the risk with this natural, spontaneous play?

We have a lot of BIG ENERGY and gun play at Mairtown at the moment which is absolutely fine, we just need to make sure it is played out in an appropriate way. I have been watching the tamariki closely when they are engaged in play fighting and to the naked ear, yes it does sound violent. I hear talk of guns, knives, swords and how one group is going to ‘get’ the other group. I held my tongue for weeks as I watched this group and tried to understand their behaviour and love for this type of play. Over and over they would shoot each other, they would fall to the ground dramatically, then get up and carry on. 

I researched rough play and had a read of articles from both sides of the fence. My question was ‘How do I allow a healthy outlet for little gun-slingers, with appropriate guidance to maintain the distinction between real and imaginary”. The amazing Pennie Brownie wrote a wonderful article about gun play outlining the different types of gun play including imaginary guns eg. a piece of wood, a store bought toy gun and then a step further, computer games, where the object is to point the gun at people and shoot them.

“A child can play at pointing the wooden gun they have made at someone and going “Bang bang. You’re dead,” and know for sure that their gun is only imaginary. It is easy for this child to distinguish real and imaginary, it is in no way confusing. Replica guns are quite different. Buying replica guns as toys is the act of an adult who is confused about children’s play, and playing with replicas is confusing for children, blurring as it does the line between real and imaginary… These (computer) games are not products of the child’s own imagination in response to playing out some energies of the child’s. These are simulated experiences. They are clearly vicarious, however, simulated experiences do set people up for the real.” - Pennie Brownlee, Bang bang! You’re dead.

So after reading this and other articles I felt content with allowing our tamariki to make their own guns out of boxes, wood and anything else they might find. What about pointing guns at each other though? That is the golden rule when holding a real gun. I thought back to Pennie's article and felt comfortable about them doing so with their own imaginary guns. 

During this time I spoke with some of our Mairtown whānau who felt that the consideration is more so with making sure that both parties are happy with the play and that it was all a part of growing up and using their imagination. One māmā expressed how it would be unfair to stop her son from shooting webs from his hands and having a pretend shield like captain America, when she didn’t have an issue with her daughter being Elsa from frozen and icing the entire room. Another māmā shared “I really feel as though we mitigate around children's safety so much that they lose the ability to make decisions for themselves and then they become reliant on others and less independent”. She then shared this beautiful quote by O. Fred Donaldson 

“Children learn as they play. Most importantly, in play children learn how to learn.”

 

Rough play teaches children how to get along with one another, how to make and play within a rule structure and how to actually recognise the difference between playful and harmful behaviour.     -Dr Michael Nagel.

 

Research by Swedish paediatricians cites imaginative play as the antidote to violence. Adults who were imaginative in their play as children do not resort to violence. So rather than training the baddies, monsters, cops, robbers, aliens, goodies and Gruffalos to be violent as many have always believed, this imaginative play does exactly the opposite.

Once I felt like I had spent enough time observing the tamariki I sat down with some of them and we had a kōrero about rough play. I asked them why they liked playing these games and how it made them feel.

• I like playing monsters and I like Owen chasing me. It feels like we’re friends - Paul

• I like wrestling its my favourite, I like pulling them (other kids) down with my muscles. Don’t do it on the concrete though. Wrestling is easy for me because I exercise everyday - Jye

• I like the monster game, you hide and then the monster comes and you scream! We get to run fast! If you get strong you can punch them all down but sometimes that's mean, they’re my friends that's why we just pretend - Kaia

• I like chasing, its fun and playing with my knife (made of tin plates glued together) and going shing shing to them cos it cuts them. They are my friends we laugh cos we are friends - Owen

• I like wrestling because I am good at it. It’s like hugging haha - Lennox

• I like him getting us, we shoot with bullets then come alive because its pretend - Paul

• I like smashing them in the tummy, but I only do that with Dadda… My favourite at kindy is wrestling down. I have a sword so that no people can enter - Fisher.

• Its a sword, it can cut people, you can chop chop, its a sharp knife, cos we just playing a game - Lazir

• If you lose the fight its just part of the game - Jye

 
 

Buchanan and Johnson (2009) remarked that children “reflect an image of themselves as powerful, active and competent,” when playing. In play children discover their abilities to “direct their actions, to make sense of events and situations, and to understand how choices affect themselves and others” (Buchanan and Johnson, 2009. 

Over these weeks as I have watched this rough play, yes there were times when I would have to remind the tamariki they were getting too close to the concrete or the swings but honestly, that was it. Yes, it can be hard to watch but as kaiako it is our role to observe and give them a chance to resolve conflict when it arises. There are reminders of how to take turns, of how not to be too rough, and to ask for help when upset, but these all assist in eliminating any overreactions or feeling offended when something negative happens in spite of any mean intent. 

Adult perceptions differ when tamariki are involved in rough play. To me it is obvious that there is a clear cut difference between this type of play and actual aggression or fighting amongst each other. As kaiako, by having these meaningful relationships with our tamariki, we can establish the difference by noticing body language that is clear when they are having fun together and taking healthy risks during their play.

This type of play is natural in tamariki and comes with so many benefits and minimal risk when supervised. Research shows that rough play helps tamariki learn self-control, compassion, boundaries, and about their own abilities compared to other tamariki. It helps them to build resiliency which is the ability to see failure as a challenge to overcome rather than something that defines you.

 

The best connections I have made with tamariki have been at the end of a plank with a sword to my back, or tied to a tree with bungee cords, so lets continue to let our tamariki enjoy what they deserve ‘long periods of uninterrupted PLAY ... where they can outplay their life... cross pollinate together... fly to the moon on a broom…’ - Kimberley Crisp

Ngā mihi nui

Hanna Bramley